Today logan tuned 2 a can only imagine how he is haveing a good day and that, strange that the letter from the company in hull who are doing the first steps interview to gaining me access to me kids send the letter through today saying there on the case. Cant beleive he is 2 man seems like me and lisa split up as soon as he was born or some shit. A miss him loads and he knows something isnt reet but thats going to change when a finally get access to them.

 

 Av never once stopped lisa seeing them and a have never once tried, strange how you women say things and then totally do the opposite yer all mentle man must be the fact yer have periods and cant think in the real world and you actually beleive you own the children you give birth ti.

 

 Anyways not long now all me kids are growing up so fast its unreal when a was a kid took forever to grow up but its cool cause a nar they will all do me proude once they get out of the evil clutches of the control freak women that call them selfs mom. And they will all grow up into fine young men with a healthy fucked up mind about relationships and the way the world really is.

 

 LAst note wich i am happy about is logan is still not old enough to understand whats going on wich means it wont mess his head up in the way it has done the others and with time he can be fixed and hopefully forget the bad parts of it , only time will tell though as always.

 

Happy birthday son daddy loves you  xxxx

 

 Well its been a long time since i had anything usefull or is it useless to write about. Anyways Spent about 2 mnths on and off in newcastle for 2 reasons one because its miles better then the shithole i am in and 2 because most of my friends are up there. I actually love it up there the night life and the day life are brill and the people are wonderfull might even move up there if everything works out ok.

 

 Started going to a proper gym with a proper trainer, John is great he has set me up with  a healthy diet and a fitness routine that for the first time in a long while is makeing me feel healthy. Deep down i am mentally and physically unfit and ahve been for years but now i have stopped smoking and started training i actually feel better in my sole and my self.

 

 Still havnt seen the children as of yet although i have asked on numerous ocassions goping to solicitors again this week to see about shifting it on abit so i can get some access. Went into school to set up a chance for me to receive copys of my childrens progress in school and to have a chat with my childrens teachers about how they are doing and not doing. I must admit it hasnt been easy away from there and i have had times when i have nearly cried because of a thought or whatever but on the other hand it has also been good not to be around them i am sure they feel the same they just dont know it. Sometimes we need a forced sense of space to get direction and understanding of what is going on and make sense of it all.

 

 I have tried to stay away from computers and gameing as much as possible want to get back into the world i used to live in that was much simpler and less hectic and less full of tecknology, Although its hard after such a long time i think i have found the balance i was after and have weined my self away enough to counter the addiction that had loomed over me. Although i still enjoy gameing and chat and still my computer is on 24/7 i on the other hand am not on it and it serves as a blatent reminder to my weaknesses.

 

 All in all this year has been my trail of fire i am sure there are many more to come but this one i actually embrassed and took on with the horns instead of my usuall running off. Some people dislike this fact and would rather of seen the old adrian packing his bags and moveing on but i feel the changes and decisions i have made have been correct. My life is now free and moveing in the direction i want it to and its all down to me not fate that this is the case.

 

 I will be in newcastle for xmas unless other things crop up and will stay there for the new year i am sure it will all be good and if i do decide to move the kids will get a great chance to see a even greater city first hand and learn to travel and learn to be independent alot younger then most.

 

 Ow shit forgot about this as well totally freaky. Was in bensham gatehead seeing some mates when a girl with a babe came in she is called claire and i have never met her before in my life apparently but when she walked in and stood infront of me its as if we had known each other for years and i got the feeling that i had only just bumped into her the other day, when i left a got the train to toon a said to chez man i know her honest i do and chez said yer cant do but anyways we left it at that. Fiew days went by and a met chez in town and she said that claire had said and felt the same way i had done but hadnt chosen to say anything. Now how fucking Freaky is that next time i am up there a am going to bump into her again and have a little chat like.

 

 Anyways didnt want to spent to much energy on here just wanted to outline some of the things that have happend while i have been away so take care and have fun speak to you all again soon ....

 

xxxx

 

Danial spent the first weekend here fully hope is grandad isnt to mad but he is my son and he should be here with me and his brothers and he loved it.

 

Pics will be posted shortly

 

 Just a fiew things i have noticed that are strange.

 

 People are not glad to be divorced they are just glad to be divorced from the person there with even though they are very sad about it and the fact that something for so long has come to an end but people get the wrong impression and actually think people are glad to be divorced.

 

 Strange but most men deal with a mid life crises buy one of three things they either go out of there way to get smashed out of there faces on beer and drugs and hope they can stay out of it long enough to pass it by or they start thinking there 14 again and dress like a towny and date younger women or they think that they need to key to everlasting health and fitness there is no way or thing that can stop this happning you just have to embrace it and get over it i am sure it dont last forever.

 

 Never realised it untill now but some people really dont care at all they say they do and they are good listners and stuff but they dont and cant care about the things that matter nit sure why this is because normally and for people and things that would appear not to matter they show great loveing care and effection but fail to do it for the things that should is this a sign of been scared to comit to anything worthwile or is it lazyness and easier to take the easy option.

 

 Strange when i was younger around 16 used to have an reoccuring daydream i used to come to me auntys on holiday a lot and walk on the beach as i sat there gazing out to the nowhere i used to see me self in like 30 years time doing the exact same thing lol ...

 

Well i am now 36 and 20 years on i am now forfilling that day dream i am walking along that beach looking out as i did when i was younger.

 

 Another 10 years will i be doing the same thing i dont know but it is completly strange how things happen maybe its a sign to pack up me stuff and move on and start a new life. That will be decided later but for now just wanted to share that little bit of weirdness with you. 

 

 Well i have started weight training and running and stopped smoking so i have turned down a track i have never been before my life has never been without smoke and for the first time i feel good about my self.

 

My body is starting to look very toned and muscular just need another stone putting on then i can work on me abbs and lats to have a all round nice shape.

 

 Running in a morning and changing my eating habits has made me start to enjoy food i am not sure if its not smoking any more that is makeing me hungry but i am starting to eat properly and regular now for the first time in over 16 years.

 

I have also taken up going to me local gym because i am on the dole at the moment i got a gym card for 1£ for a whole year wich is great, i have my own gym at home with everything i need but it will give me a chance to meet other people who are into the same thing i am.

 

 Boxing is another passion of mine something satisfying about kicking the shit out of a door and a body bag with your head and arms and fists. I have started to practice the basics i learned at the boys club when i was younger with a view to takeing it a little further. Yes i know i wont be any mike tyson but with a great body it will be easier to stay in shape and feel good about me self.

 

 

 Ok the last issue i have and possibly the biggest in my life is when i was younger i got baseball batterd in the face and all my lower jaw and 75% of my teeth got fucked up. Dentists in the 80s were very crappy and he did the best he could but i am suffering now.  I basically need all me teeth ripping out and a new set putting in but one problem. For this to happen i have to have an injection in my arm to nock me out and i am scared shiteless of needles Those things are the only thing in the world that scare me

 

 So the future looks great and i feel great one think to sort out then i can be on me way to the first patch of normaility in my life for a long while where i can be healthy fit and feel damn good about me self.

 

i love life its full of so many wonderouse things and each one is an adventure and most of it we dont know is going to happen untill it do's.

 

 Well since i stopped smokeing decided to take up weight traiing and running again well went into town to day and bought

 

1. pack of multivits

1. Key of mass weight gain low fat

1. pair of scales.

 

first thing i did was weigh me self , omg since i stopped smokeing a mnth ago i have put on 1/2 a stone or so thats well cool now i only need to put on 1.7 stone with the weight gain to take me to 210 pounds.

 

 Anyways Started this morning had a shake mixed 6 spoons of it with 100 water and  OMFG  i drank it down and it nearly made me puke talk about shite this stuff tasts like dog shite left to rott ow well only another 3 shakes a day for 2 mnths and i should be on track i got enough multi vits for 2 mnths as well so just need to keep me fruit and fiber intake up and remember to buy some extra carb and protein to max out.

 

should get there now in 4 weeks but might be 8 cause i am a little lazy, running might get a little bit difficult as well for a while so might need to be carefull never had all this extra weight before so soon so might be a little shocl to me system.

 

 Anyways if nothing else i am glad i have done it now rather then never at all always wanted to do this just never had the inclanation was one to rather smoke and crash then get off me ass and do something now i can i am much happier ..

 

 

 Ok went a bit to far this time and really screwed me shoulder up but thats ok got a shot load if pain killers really strong onces so i can take a pain killers when i take multi vits then go for a run come back and they should of kicked in so i cando me training still. If it fucks me up it fucks me up i dont care any more...

 

 

This morning went for a run came back did 30 reps and both me arms are screwed might have to leave it a day or 2 and rest up guess 2 weeks without a rest is a bit much lol ...

 

 

 Ok back and track now both arms are ok only took 1 day rest and now i can pump iron again , shit thing is all the way through the pain i was never not able to run once and i hate running ow well least i am over that pain thing....

 

40 year old virgin

 

Omfg to funny this film is mad made me laugh so much the guy is just to funny, urm his mates reminded me of typical blokes of an age of 15.. 21 i didnt expect grown men to act like that ow well. The main char is played by a little known actor really his other famous role was the news presenter on a folm called bruce almighty. I have to say though he played the part really well and i dont think i have laughed at a film of this gendre so much but i did and i am glad i watched it have to give this fim 4/5 brilliant.

 

Green Street (Holigans)

 

Fucking blinding film from the outset this film is class following the 80s trend of footbal firms and violence that made britain one of the most feard nations in the football world and also coverd the ilagitamet part of the press rageing the footbal violence onto mainstream. Reminded me of my days when i lived in stepny and went to see the mighty hammers still love to watch them now kinda miss tony cotty and frank maceveni though :). Anyways this film is a blast and any one into football violence and the story behind a once and british tradition this film is for you. The only problem i had was the soundtrack, They had a fiew good songs by the stone roses but the soundtracked didnt really fit the film in most parts. I was expecting them to play songs by the cockny rejects who were from west ham and sung about football violence from the early and mid 80s but alas no they choose songs by the stone roses ow well dont let that spoil the fact this film is a absolute master peice 5/5

 

 

The longest yard

 

What can i say adam sandler film, a remake of the football-prison film by bert reynolds this film also has him in it and cris rock. Starts  off absolutly funny as hell and go's right the way through with a great concoction of humour and sprinkles of seriousness all in all typical sandler funny as hell this is a must for all sandler and none sandler films alike. I watched this film easily 20 .. 30 times and never got bored of it 5/5

 

 

Stealth

 

 A film about a new free thinking computer driven plane that go's wrong with undertones of a love theme between 2 of the pilots in the squade. This film never really made an impact on me although i watced it could just as easily of fallen a sleep to it some of the flight and combat scenes caught my attention for a minuit but on the whole the film was a bit slow and dull. Some of the effects were pretty good though but i think i will give this a rateing of 3/5

 

 

 

Underworld evolution

 

 

 

 

The transporter 2

 

 

 

 

Ultraviolet

 

 

 

 

Exercisum of emily rose

 

 

 

Red Eye

 

 

 

Ong Bak

 

 

 

 

Colataral

 

 

 

 

Fantastic 4

 

 

 

House of flying daggers

 

 Went to the dole to sign on today and they said shit like its better to get it in the bank and all that so i was like ok cool. Then i find out that say you sign like today thursday then it takes 3 working days so thats friday monday tuesday and will be in bank next week wednesday.

 

 Lmfto where the hell do they get off on doing that without telling people crist you sign on and you get your cash a week later wtf is that all about.

 

 These people and this goverment get more and more retarded as life go's on cant wait hope i get a new job real soon cant handle dealing with fuckwitts in power.....

 

 Well its week 3 and i am not sure if i notice any thing different other then i actually enjoy exercise never did before ow and the fact i can sleep now properly rather then not.

 

 Spent this week doing pushups weights running and some bag work trying to alternate it is fun but tireing i am not sure how long i am suppose to rest in between workouts or how long to work out for but side from the pain my upper body is getting bigger and i am gaining more strength and stamina.

 

 They said stopping smoking changes your life and they were correct for years i didnt beleive all the crap and hype but strangly alot of it is true. Yes there are some egzageration but alot of it is spot on. My house and cloths smell fresh now i wake up in a morning and dont cough my  guts up and i actually feel like i had a good nights sleep i got tons of energy all through the day and my short term memory is comeing back although i am going through a strange time with my head and stuff feeling dizzy cant concentrate and that.

 

All in all another week and it will be my first mnth smoke free cant wait !!!!!

 

 Ok i think i pulled me shoulder out over doing weights its at the back though but i appear to be working it off slowly but its a reminder that we always need to watch what we do and dont go to far with anything....

 

Not sure what the hell is going on but i cant stop now its not addiction as such but i am really getting off on lifting weights makes me feel so good and now its makeing me look good as well cant stop like. Need to get some weight gain food to put a little bit of weight on want about a stone on to turn into muscle then i will be happy that will take me to 13 .. 14 stone wich is middle weight.......

 

 If i can do that and turn the 2 stone into muscle then i will be well happy just need to keep it like that and start eating alot better then i do normally.

 

Ok getting to the end of week 3 now nearly friday so i am well happy still want a smoke every so often but its getting easier i am well into training now and the strength and endurance part of the training are comeing on another 2 weeks and i should be full up on strength then can spend the last 8 weeks of the cycle working on muscle and tone. By my estimates i should be fully done by summer then i can start to decide if i want to go full on weights or stay as i am and jsut trim a little.

 

 Dont think i have ever felt and looked so good in me life i know that if not smoking all this time i could of been like this years ago and my life would of totally been different just glad i am doing it at all.

 

I can safely say that i feel miles better sleeping and just been who i am wasnt happy about that for along time and i am well happy my only regret is i didnt do it when i had the chance the first time  i only lasted 10 days but that was such along time ago. Now is the time to do it and i have reasons to do it now that i didnt have before..

 

 Today is going to be my day of rest as it were, i am going to alternate it every week as much as i can but on my day of rest i am not going to do any running and i am only going to do 1/2 the weight training i do normally give my muscles time to relax on this day i am also going to get 2 baths to really pamper and relax my muscles make them feel they are worth it.

 

 I have allready noticed the change my upper torso is starting to widen and fill out and my muscle content has doubled in just 1 week however i am really sore so need to start resting some times...

 

 Another thing i have noticed is clean shaven and muscly means more of the opposite sex seem to be into you and what your about not sure if thats a good thing or not but its very flattering.

 

 Anyways its time for me rest and pampering get a nice radox bath with extra cows milk and make sure i keep up with the fiber and fruite i have started to eat....

 

 Omg there go's my day of rest the only thing i didnt do was run spent the morning doing some reps on the bar and the bells, then spent some time running on the spot and doing shadow boxing then went onto the bar for a bit. Took a rest then went back to the bar then some more reps on the bells and did a little work out on the gym.

 

Took a bath and relaxed for a bit ...

 

 Spent another 1hr or so on the bag getting me jab arm working and did some single arm wet wrk to the point where me arm was about to fall off then give it up.

 

This afty i will do abit more bag work and some reps then get ready for resting up till tomorro then go for a jog....

 

all i can say is looks like i have swapped one adiction for another but at least this one wont kill me as quickly or as nastaly and its good the kids can join in this one...

Well i made the big 2 weeks in my stop smokeing campaign unaided cant beleive it for the first time in my life i have actually taken proper charge of an addiction and sorted it out correctly, Ok it only took 20 odd years to realise but i have worked out by the time i am 45 it will be as if i have never smoked and the kids will be in there teens and i will still be able to kick the foot about with them rather than them come see me in hospital or the morgue.

 

 Its becomeing more important now that i stay with this and see it through because i have learnt yet again how fragile life is and how easily it can be ripped away from you and spent so easily and quickly. With this in mind stopping smoking is one of many things i have started to do to win back my quality of life and get back into shape.

 

Stopping smokeing

Weight training

Jogging

Eating better

Proper Sleeping patterns.

 

 All this is helping me to because fitter and stronger both mentally and physically and allready the changes are noticable in my physique and me attitude towards things.

 

 Stopping smokeing isnt rocket science or will not cure what ales mankind but for me its a small evolution that is far more important that anything i have ever done and ever will do...

 

LAstly the weigh training is makeing me feel very sore now i must be doing either to much or getting it spot on and need to keep working through the stuffness for about a week the changes are allready noticeable and just seeing it happen is a great thing just hope i dont get addicted to this lol.....

 

 Well 2 weeks today i stopped smokeing so i thought i ws time to change some stuff, i get up at 7:30 .. 8:30 every morning and go to bed at midnight now that my insomnia is cured. I also weight train at least 2 hrs aday through the day but speaking to my brother i dont do any cardio vascular stuff so i thought ok can sort that out. So decided every morning to get up have a drink then go out for a 5 minuit jog upto the kids school and walk it back wich is around 10 mins its a good 1/2 mile so a nice starting point to get me going.

 

 OMFG ! i managed to run there ok without dieing but on the way back i actually thought i was going to die at least 14 times man i was so tired and out of it but the cool thing was my heart rate pulse and everything went down within a fiew mins of stopping so it looks like the crap is clearing even though i cant see it.

 

 Really glad i did this if i do a short distance every day for the next fiew mnths i maybe able to get back into cross country wich i loved so much when i was younger, plus its another excellent way to keep fit and alive.

 

 Hmm i read that its suppose to get easier well second day and i nearly died on the way there lol crist but i did notice i am very sore from weight lifting and i didnt warm up properly , i dont even know how to warm up but i will get there soon enough then it will be cool. Need to give my self plenty of time to rest and get a proper diet going with plenty of excercise.....

 

Well been doing it a full week now and havnt noticed any difference i still feel i am going to die now as much as i did the first time i ran omg it must get better soon maybe if not i aint keeping it up......

Been a year now since i got out of my crappy marrage and started living alone been an up and down year couldnt get sex for a while so used my wife for it then when i could get sex didnt want it strange affair, Stopped smokeing and started weight training and boxing. Not sure the latter have been left a little to late but we shall see.

The only constant in all of it is the 4 boys there all a year older now and there well into comeing to the flat but they still havnt got over me not been there any more they say really cool things like dont think mamy can find the flat or mamy dont know where the flat is mind you if she was my mam i would be saying the same things,. This weekend since firday the sun finally started to come out and its warm enough to hang out now just intime as kids are on hols.

Spent today in the gardon with the lads on and off ade still loves the xbox since i got san andreos and counterstrike but i managed to get an hr football this morning and an hr footy this afty then they did a very little bit of weight training and did a work out on the punch bag.

Decided to teach all me boys to look after them selfs and learn the basics of nocking some one the fuck out and looking after them selfs. I know 4 lads all with in like 5 years of each other can stick up for each other but there mam treats them like complete wimps and none of them are really blokey so guess thats my job to sort that.

The football with ethan was great spent 45 mins just kicking the ball back and forth like the scene in war of the worlds 2005 with dad and son in back gardon doing baseball. Now the weather is much better hope to start takeing them to the park for the day and still keeping them fit and healthy because there mam likes to stay in bed alot and isnt one for lots of exercise saying that i was pretty lazy when i was a smoker liked work but hated exercise, glad i sorted that out...

 

 Well what can i say the last 4 days i have been doing some really strange things , for example i was in the bank and i had seen the barriers and had made the adjustments needed to get by it and bang went into it and nocked it all over lol, then was walking home and looking in shoip windows and out the corner of my eye i seen the lamppost and thought i had made the correct adjustments but nope bang into it i go. Even simple things like putting sugar into a cup is beyond my ability at the moment, so i asked the stop smoking experts and my doc wtf is going on and there both of the same opinion.

 

 When you stop smokeing you concentration levels are all fucked up because you have to much oxygen to your brain and you are getting stimulated by new things so for a fiew upto 3 weeks you end up feeling dizzy and do stupid things .. great no one told me that was going to happen lol.

 

 Anyways i have kept the weight training up and i am starting to notice the change now i am becomeing a lot stronger and my body is becoming alot more defined however i am not sure i am putting any more weight on and not sure i want to even though they say stoping smoking causes some people to get a little weight gain i appear not to have that issue.

 

 I recon another 12 weeks of no smokeing and weight training and i will be in shape for the summer and also in shape to be much more of an active farther to my children because thus far i have been a typical lazy assed smoker. Just the fact the weight training is paying off is enough to carry on but smoking ahs ailed my insomnia i now sleep properly every night i am no longer stupidly cold or hot any more although i do have hot flushes every so often due to stopping and i am actually feeling healthier and better in my self i enjoy walking and running now and dont have that awfull chest pains and coughing first thing in a morning. In just 2 weeks i have transformed into a totally different person.

 

 2 more things i have noticed wich i have confirmed with other people who have stopped.

 

1. I feel much more agressive now and well short temperd and always feel like i wanna kick off and stuff i really hope this go's soon.

 

2. I all of a sudden getting mouth ulcers all over the place i had 4 at one poinmt bigger then i have ever had and they hurt like hell dont know why this has anything to do with stopping smokeing but others have had it to. Plus my gums are hurting all the time not pain hurting but like a dull throbbing strange but its there.

 

Anyways i am glad i gave up and glad its all behind me now and i can get on and become the fitter more athletic person i loved to be when i was younger used to love cross country maybe i can love it again or at least run further then the top of the road lol.

 

 Well was little ades parents evening tonight and the dumb bitch didnt even tell me about it guess its so she can go around and plead poverty at been a single parent and how shite her life his and how she has to bring her son up on her own. Ill have to speak to the school about letting me know about stuff like this and explain that she wont let me know her self. Sometimes phsyco hose beasts shouldnt be allowd out on there own grrrr. Guess she is trying to tell the kids they only have one parent lol and that she performed the fucking miracle all by her self typicall.

 

Anyways another little rant ade came tonight with the other boys and we spoke about how i thought it might have been some ones birthday to see if he rememberd and wow not only did he remember but he knows exactly what he is getting no point in rapping presents up at that end then is there strange but she used to have a go at certain people for exactly the same thing strange how quickly the worm turns lol.

 

 Well i got him some stuff but he dosnt know yet and he thinks i have forgotten cant wait till morning he is gunna be so surprised lol gunna be ace.... have me camera ready and stuff gunna put 5 candles in a mars bar for him couldnt afford a cake havnt been paid in like 3 weeks now its depressing but managed to get enough cash together to sort a present ....

 

 Still cant beleive he is 5 its like omg where has the time gone then i realise its gone streight down the toilet and into the drain only cool thing out of it is the 4 great boys i have..... Update with pictures will come tomorro

 

 

Omg she fucked up again forgot to come and pick logan up and fucked off into town what a bitch cant even pick her own son up ow well, ethan was really sick at school so took logan to meet her at school he had to go home. Funny she can go swanning off into town and pay for taxis and shit but cant pick her own son up and send my kids for free school meals how fucking ghetto is that. Grrrr....

 

 Well his birthday was ok apparently no one turned up to his party and the plan to take him to fantasy world fell through and the people she invited said they couldnt come lol seems to me she cant even sort out his birthday without fucking it up, She appears to think that she is paying my poletax bill off when in the last 4 mnths i have paid 600£ and i am even entitled to 45£ return because i over paid so she is just talking shit as usuall spending all her cash on taxis and smokes thinks she is a fucking rockstar. Ade was supposed to get a bike but he didnt strange i was gunna buy him one but she said she was going to get it and what a surprise she didnt fucking typicall my son do's without again at least he got all the power ranger stuff he wanted and he got counterstrike he loves that shit. Dunno what every one else got him or what the party was like because there is no photos or anything....

 

 

Any pictures have been posted he had a great morning and loved his presents specially since i got things he can share with ethan so they can both be power rangers. Dunno what i am going to get ethan for his birthday lol. Was great anyways .....

 

 I have a multi gym and decided that i needed a speed ball punch bag some dum bells and a bar bell to go with it so had a look around the web, didnt find much so went across to rammys to there sports department they didnt have one bit of boxing or training stuff. Anyways was about to leave when this guy came upto me and said what was i after, so i told him and he said

 

Well for 20£ he can do me a profiler bar bell 2 dum bells and a 4ft bag for 20 pound all less then 6mnths old, i was like omg yer we will go for that. Cant beleive that just saved me like over 100£ so now alls i need is a speed ball and bracket and i am set. Can get one of those for 20£ from argos when there back in stock.

 

 God sometimes lady luck comes to you sometimes she dont but when she do's all is good in life.....

This is an ongoing list of Questions blokes wanna ask but havnt got the bottle 2, please feel free to add to it.

 

1. Why is it all women have a big ass but only 23% have big boobs

 

2. Why is it all women think there good looking but spend 75% of there time covering there face

 

3. Why do women ask if you think there fat when 99.9% of them dont want to know what you think

 

4. Why is it women think that been able to come more then once all by your self is a good thing.

 

5. why do the ask you to do a job when half the time they no u wont do it or they would rather do it themselfs anyways.

 

 Do we ever really learn from our mistakes and why are circles so important in our life, why is it we go full circle each time and do the same things over and over again  and how do we break out of it.

 

First wife treat me like a complete moron so we split up got back together knowing full well it was a lost course then split up for good. Did same with second wife.

 

 Meet unknown nutcase psyco hosebitch get hitched have some children all go's mental then do it again . Every thing seems to be circles round and round all the tme and now i have the chance to create and go round another circle. How the fuck am i gunna skip or break this evil circle.

 

 If some one knows how we break out of these circles in our life or can teach me how to spot them quickly enough to avoide them please leave feedback to this bloggit thanks.

 

 

 

 Been thinking about all the things i used to do when i loved alone and when i lived at home and realised i never ate alot of fresh veg and never ever ate fresh fruit or yogurt, something now i have stopped smokeing i have started to address.

 

 Today i bought some activia yogurt drinks the orage ones and actually drank 1 and didnt throw up now dont get me wrong i thin kits more in my head then anything but it didnt taste like i remember yogurt tasting and thus why i didnt eat it.

 

 Strange i taste food all the time and since stopping smokeing the food i eat dont taste any different to when i smoked to either something is wrong or i had never losed my taste buds anyways.

 

Cool thing is now i have started eating better food and more of the food i should be eating is starting to fill my fridge just hope eventually i can eat all those food i dont eat now but always wanted to.