Diary of a MadMen!

 

 Today logan tuned 2 a can only imagine how he is haveing a good day and that, strange that the letter from the company in hull who are doing the first steps interview to gaining me access to me kids send the letter through today saying there on the case. Cant beleive he is 2 man seems like me and lisa split up as soon as he was born or some shit. A miss him loads and he knows something isnt reet but thats going to change when a finally get access to them.

 

 Av never once stopped lisa seeing them and a have never once tried, strange how you women say things and then totally do the opposite yer all mentle man must be the fact yer have periods and cant think in the real world and you actually beleive you own the children you give birth ti.

 

 Anyways not long now all me kids are growing up so fast its unreal when a was a kid took forever to grow up but its cool cause a nar they will all do me proude once they get out of the evil clutches of the control freak women that call them selfs mom. And they will all grow up into fine young men with a healthy fucked up mind about relationships and the way the world really is.

 

 LAst note wich i am happy about is logan is still not old enough to understand whats going on wich means it wont mess his head up in the way it has done the others and with time he can be fixed and hopefully forget the bad parts of it , only time will tell though as always.

 

Happy birthday son daddy loves you  xxxx

 

 Well its been a long time since i had anything usefull or is it useless to write about. Anyways Spent about 2 mnths on and off in newcastle for 2 reasons one because its miles better then the shithole i am in and 2 because most of my friends are up there. I actually love it up there the night life and the day life are brill and the people are wonderfull might even move up there if everything works out ok.

 

 Started going to a proper gym with a proper trainer, John is great he has set me up with  a healthy diet and a fitness routine that for the first time in a long while is makeing me feel healthy. Deep down i am mentally and physically unfit and ahve been for years but now i have stopped smoking and started training i actually feel better in my sole and my self.

 

 Still havnt seen the children as of yet although i have asked on numerous ocassions goping to solicitors again this week to see about shifting it on abit so i can get some access. Went into school to set up a chance for me to receive copys of my childrens progress in school and to have a chat with my childrens teachers about how they are doing and not doing. I must admit it hasnt been easy away from there and i have had times when i have nearly cried because of a thought or whatever but on the other hand it has also been good not to be around them i am sure they feel the same they just dont know it. Sometimes we need a forced sense of space to get direction and understanding of what is going on and make sense of it all.

 

 I have tried to stay away from computers and gameing as much as possible want to get back into the world i used to live in that was much simpler and less hectic and less full of tecknology, Although its hard after such a long time i think i have found the balance i was after and have weined my self away enough to counter the addiction that had loomed over me. Although i still enjoy gameing and chat and still my computer is on 24/7 i on the other hand am not on it and it serves as a blatent reminder to my weaknesses.

 

 All in all this year has been my trail of fire i am sure there are many more to come but this one i actually embrassed and took on with the horns instead of my usuall running off. Some people dislike this fact and would rather of seen the old adrian packing his bags and moveing on but i feel the changes and decisions i have made have been correct. My life is now free and moveing in the direction i want it to and its all down to me not fate that this is the case.

 

 I will be in newcastle for xmas unless other things crop up and will stay there for the new year i am sure it will all be good and if i do decide to move the kids will get a great chance to see a even greater city first hand and learn to travel and learn to be independent alot younger then most.

 

 Ow shit forgot about this as well totally freaky. Was in bensham gatehead seeing some mates when a girl with a babe came in she is called claire and i have never met her before in my life apparently but when she walked in and stood infront of me its as if we had known each other for years and i got the feeling that i had only just bumped into her the other day, when i left a got the train to toon a said to chez man i know her honest i do and chez said yer cant do but anyways we left it at that. Fiew days went by and a met chez in town and she said that claire had said and felt the same way i had done but hadnt chosen to say anything. Now how fucking Freaky is that next time i am up there a am going to bump into her again and have a little chat like.

 

 Anyways didnt want to spent to much energy on here just wanted to outline some of the things that have happend while i have been away so take care and have fun speak to you all again soon ....

 

xxxx

 

Danial spent the first weekend here fully hope is grandad isnt to mad but he is my son and he should be here with me and his brothers and he loved it.

 

Pics will be posted shortly

 

 Just a fiew things i have noticed that are strange.

 

 People are not glad to be divorced they are just glad to be divorced from the person there with even though they are very sad about it and the fact that something for so long has come to an end but people get the wrong impression and actually think people are glad to be divorced.

 

 Strange but most men deal with a mid life crises buy one of three things they either go out of there way to get smashed out of there faces on beer and drugs and hope they can stay out of it long enough to pass it by or they start thinking there 14 again and dress like a towny and date younger women or they think that they need to key to everlasting health and fitness there is no way or thing that can stop this happning you just have to embrace it and get over it i am sure it dont last forever.

 

 Never realised it untill now but some people really dont care at all they say they do and they are good listners and stuff but they dont and cant care about the things that matter nit sure why this is because normally and for people and things that would appear not to matter they show great loveing care and effection but fail to do it for the things that should is this a sign of been scared to comit to anything worthwile or is it lazyness and easier to take the easy option.

 

 Strange when i was younger around 16 used to have an reoccuring daydream i used to come to me auntys on holiday a lot and walk on the beach as i sat there gazing out to the nowhere i used to see me self in like 30 years time doing the exact same thing lol ...

 

Well i am now 36 and 20 years on i am now forfilling that day dream i am walking along that beach looking out as i did when i was younger.

 

 Another 10 years will i be doing the same thing i dont know but it is completly strange how things happen maybe its a sign to pack up me stuff and move on and start a new life. That will be decided later but for now just wanted to share that little bit of weirdness with you.